Why Young Married Couples Should Strive to Live on Their Own

Investing in a place to live in is a big step for newly married couples, especially young ones. Those who cannot yet afford to buy a piece of property usually opt to rent or live with their spouse's parents. The latter is not uncommon especially in the Philippines, where close family ties are part of the culture. Renting, on the other hand, is a commitment that requires hardwork and financial stability.

For those who are just starting to build their families, it is definitely easier to live in the same house as your parents to whom you do not have to pay monthly rental fees. Ideally, your new home should be ready before you get married but sadly, this is not always the case. There is nothing wrong with living with parents or in-laws. However, I still believe that every young couple should strive to find their own place separate from the elders. Why?


In a previous post, I mentioned that we lived with my husband's family for five years before we came to live in the house we are renting now. During those years, privacy has become a luxury for us. Even our sex life, which is an important aspect of marriage, was somehow affected.

My husband and I had to be extra careful whenever we have arguments lest the whole household get wind of our disagreement. We cannot just reprimand our daughter in the presence of other people. Sometimes, we cannot even have privacy in our own room. Every individual needs privacy - and so do married couples and young families.


Five years of being married and it is just now that I am learning to wake up early to attend to my husband and daughter's needs before they go to school/work. It is only now I am learning to budget, plan meals, and manage a household. We were dependent on my mother in law in terms of cooking and even the laundry but I just realized to what extent.

To grow as a couple and as a family, you need to deal with challenges together, solve problems on your own. That is the best, perhaps only way, to learn. Too much dependence on other people could only lead to unhealthy relationships and might even cause conflicts.

For instance, my husband would get mad at his mother if she forgets to wash a particular piece of clothing. They will argue and all the while, I would be feeling guilty because I know that it is my responsibility and no longer his mother's.

Same goes if he calls on her for cooking something he doesn't like for dinner - and so on. He is still her son but now that he has a wife and his own family, he should have learned to be less dependent on his mother. And yet, I was helpless because it was the set-up that we were used to.

Financial independence is also an important factor. Why do we get married in the first place? Because we are willing to start a new life with someone really special. Your spouse is your partner and marriage is about working together toward similar goals. You need to learn to stand on your own for your marriage to succeed.

Freedom to make your own decisions

Being on your own can be difficult at first but it comes with a lot of benefits that every couple deserves. All household decisions rely on the husband and the wife and it could be pretty exciting decorating the house, planning the week's menu, and scheduling your household tasks. Of course, freedom should be exercised with responsibility for things to work out.

On your own, you can set household rules for your children and mete out discipline accordingly - without the watchful eyes of your parents or in-laws - if those rules are broken. As they say, most of us strive not to become like our parents but deep down, we actually admire them. Values may differ but raising a child should be left to the parents. In turn, the parents need to make sure that they are fair, reasonable, and responsible at all times.

The years we spent with my in-laws were not entirely bad. With their help, my husband and I were able to jumpstart our careers. They looked out for our daughter and took good care of her. My mother-in-law even fed our dog.

Life was so good that if we did not make a decision to move on sooner, we would have been stuck in there for a really long time. The time has come for us to step out of our comfort zones and figure out this whole marriage and family thing by ourselves. And yep, our story continues.

If you have any opinion or insights on the matter, feel free to drop a comment. I'll be glad to hear from you. :)


Anonymous said...

This is great Naoms. :) I've always admired you and the way you run your family and your marriage. I'll definitely keep this post in mind whenever I feel the marriage blues again.


Naomi said...

If you would like to post an entry as a guest when you have some spare time, that would be great! ;)

Oh, believe me, I don't even know what I'm doing most of the time. And mothers do have their what-have-I-gotten-myself-into moments! We no longer just live for ourselves but that doesn't necessarily mean that there is no longer room for growth. At the end of the day, it is about finding the right balance. :) Kisses to your dear Holly!

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